#21DayFIX Day 2 (again)

21 Day FIX arrived in the mail on Friday, July 8. I started that day! I ate according to the portions and meal plan and exercised that night (Total Body Cardio Fix). I was hungry. I thought, well, tomorrow will be better. Oh, and I didn't even complete the workout. Devin and the boys came downstairs and watched me exercise and kept talking to me, I got mad and went upstairs. Bad idea! My thighs were killing me for days. And, Shakeology was disgusting. I couldn't even finish the one. I drank about a quarter of what I Devin prepared.

Saturday, July 9: I ate according to the meal plan and portions and exercised in the middle of the day. Again, I was hungry. So many reviews said the portions were so filling, there was almost too much to eat, but I did not have that experience. That night I felt exhausted, so hungry, and I was in immense pain. My thighs quads were so sore that I could barely move around the house, let alone get down on the floor to play with my boys. 

Sunday, July 10: Anxiety hit me hard, like most Sundays, so I stayed in bed until the middle of the afternoon. I got up to go to a baby blessing celebration (sweet little Sophie Hanna) and didn't adhere to my meal plan. Although, I did take a smaller portion of dessert than I usually would have. :) Then, it was my sister's (Genny) birthday party. I didn't know the meal plan well enough to know what to eat and how much, so I just ate until I was full and didn't gorge myself on dinner. I only had a scosche of pie and no ice cream. The night was agony! I was up until late, I think around 2 a.m., with the most miserable stomach pains I could imagine, and I've had three children and one ectopic pregnancy, I know stomach pain. This felt like labor. Perhaps it was only gas. I burped a lot. Devin stayed up with me because I was in such distress. 

Monday, July 11: I stayed in bed pretty much all day. Except for the panic attacks of course. 

July 12-15: I just tried to get through the day. I was too scared to respond to anyone from Beachbody so I deleted Messenger and didn't follow through with my challenge group. Bad Laurie!

Saturday, July 16: Lagoon Day through Devin's employer. Do you think I exercised? I didn't.

Sunday, July 17: Anxiety again, no surprise, and I stayed in bed pretty much all day. I napped for all of church and a lot of the time before and after church. What is wrong with my body?!?!

Monday, July 18: I decided to look fear in the face and shove it far from me. I started responding to my Beachbody work, downloaded Messenger again, and exercised. I thought maybe I should just exercise and not start the meal plan yet. I think it shocked my body and I don't want to quit again. I did the Total Body Cardio Fix all the way through and added extra stretching at the end in an effort to prevent some of the massive pain I felt the first time. It worked! I got through 4 cups of water. :(

Tuesday, July 19: Finally, here we are today. 

     I exercised: Upper Body Fix. It was a little bit easier than last week and I didn't push myself as hard, hoping that my stomach wouldn't revolt and cause anarchy within my body again. I'm feeling pretty good. I ate an apple for a snack tonight instead of looking for some ice cream, graham crackers, cookies, etc. I'm still hungry, but doing okay. I have gotten through 7 cups of water. That is incredible for me! I am not a water drinker. I like milk. 

I've been concerned about Shakeology. I think it will help my body, but I just can't eat food I don't like. That sounds petty, but I've always been like that with food. So, I looked up lots of recipes on Club Beachbody and people recommend just shaking it in the shaker cup with almond milk. So, I'll try that tomorrow. I don't even know if I like almond milk. 

Evening

The wind in the trees blows hush,
           
                                                       hush,

                                                                 hush,

           to the sprinklers
               misting the
                    grass.

The boys climb up to their windows clear
    and gaze at the moon so high.
They talk and they giggle all night long
   while Mommy and Baby snooze.

Then Daddy gets home with his big strong arms...
   now the family can all settle down.

Title

Often I feel like enduring is my nemesis. I fear endurance is something that will cause me defeat in whatever I pursue. My Patriarchal Blessing counsels me to endure to the end. Jesus Christ counsels us to endure to the end, promising eternal life and happiness. Sometimes I don't feel hopeful I can make it. I am a good person. I try to be kind, thoughtful, clean, hard-working, and loving. I don't always reach those goals. I yell. I stomp. I throw things. I let the weeds grow wild (literally and metaphorically). I forget. I fall.

But,

I get back up again. 

I suppose that is true endurance--trying and trying again if and/or when failure occurs. The title of my blog comes from a talk given by a leader of my church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, President Dieter F. Uchtdorf. I have read his words over and over, trying to glean hope and strategies of ways to endure. 

I love Jesus. As a result of this deep and abiding love, I keep going. There are dark moments, hours, days, weeks, and years. I have them. You have them. He is there for us through all of them. Sometimes we can't tell He is there. Sometimes we doubt and question. Sometimes we don't. Prayer, scripture study, church, temples, leaders, friends, family, the Holy Ghost, journal entries, and family history are all resources that can help us remain hopeful.

So, let's keep going. You and me and everyone else. We are all children of God. It is His job to take care of us. 

This is a record of my failures and my successes; basically, my enduring until the end.